once i found out how it is like to be in love and be loved in return, i never had the chance to stop myself from searching. the process of finding the one most significant thing that ever come across human race is difficult, specially when you perceive it as a ticking time bomb, ready to go off anytime. i was always in a hurry, that's why most of my relationships fail.
i remember that after my first heart break, it was mayhem. i was a man whore. hungry for a replacement, needing, yearning, longing for that another guy who will again make my heart skip a beat. three years after, guy after guy after guy, still, no one.
it gets through me when i'm tired or when my libido's firing off the roof.
i actually have a "boyfriend" now. he loves me, we've known each other for 18......18 days, it sucks, why did i again give in to my vulnerability. i don't love him.
for most of us, life was never fair. but it is actually, even for my "boyfriend." he had a choice not to give in. so to get rid of the guilt, i would stand up for this kind of reasoning. for how long? for how long am i going to this to people? breaking hearts? triggering tear ducts?
this is one reason why i wish i am straight. love might not be this harsh on the opposite end.
love should come in passion, it has to be intense, it has to possess a strong sense of power that would overwhelm both parties. love has been and will always be addictive. it is erotic. it should overpower the common everyday pleasures.
my kind of love, you're there somewhere.
so, later!
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