first post

this is it. i finally decided to create a closet blog or whatever. i have been blogging for quite some time now and this is my first time to do this....this is me, my stories about being gay and miserable. there's a lot of black in pink and i have to vent it out.

so, that's not me. i dont know the guy personally but i just love looking at him. i know that he isn't gay. well i hope he is but i think he's definitely not the type. oooh, but i really hope he would be gay just for me..hahahah anyway...wtf.... a lot of the guys i like or i have a crush to would definitely fit in on his category. by the way, he loves the outdoors, he surfs and he climb mountains, he has a great smile and a sun kissed body. this just reminds me of how i hate being gay. you know when were kids, like when were really really small and helpless rascals, that's how i feel when i see guys of my type. and that's what i hate. i have a lot of insecurities and it wouldn't help if there would be another one waiting on the line. 

that guy above is not again gay. or maybe he is but i don't know. i don't know him. but he's cute right? haha

one thing about me is that i rarely, or if not, never find a typical homosexual attractive. i like real men you know, tough guys and that is my problem. one of the things i'm longing for is real, romantic, over the top puppy love and yea, because i like straight men, there's never going to be a happy ending for me. BUT, i'm still not giving up. love, i know he's there.

so wow, i went all the way for this first post. and i would be posting and posting and posting on this blog because if im destined to be gay, i would really love to make the most out of it. being a homme, ugh i mean a homo, yea, it has its perks, but... it definitely gets to me sometimes.

so, later!